12 Brutal Truths I Know at 49 I Wish I Knew at 20

Have you ever looked back and realized you wasted time and energy chasing or wanting something that ultimately didn’t matter? I’ve learned from my mistakes more than I have learned from my successes, and if I could sit across from my 20-year-old self, I wouldn’t tell them everything was going to be okay.

I would say to him the brutal truths that are hard to hear. That would have saved me time, pain, and regret. Unfortunately, I can’t go back and talk to 20-year-old me, but I can tell you.

The older I get, the more aware I become of how short life is. I see people that I lose, and it hurts. We are not invincible or forever Young. Life is precious and beautiful, and remember that before it’s too late. Tell somebody you love today, because nobody is guaranteed tomorrow.

What I would tell my 20-year-old self

1. People don’t care about you.  People are not thinking about you the way that you think they are. It’s liberating to realize this because you won’t be living for somebody else’s opinion. Don’t waste energy and time worrying about them; they don’t care about your successes or problems.
2. Pretty fades. Character lasts a lifetime. We’ve got to stop giving pretty people a pass just because they have a great body or are attractive. Looks don’t mean someone is ‘better,’ but society gives pretty people a pass. Pretty people can do horrible things, and character is really the only quality you need to focus on.
3. Hotness doesn’t matter. If someone is not good for you, get away from them. Be alone rather than with the wrong person. Do the hard work to be happy, which means you may need to get away from those who are not right for you.
4. People may not want you the way you want them. We tend to fixate on what we want, even when the writing is on the wall, when people are not reciprocating. Stop chasing and instead look for people who genuinely want to be with you and have your best interests at heart. People don’t change. You can’t fix them or get them to love you the way you want to be loved or treated. It’s a waste of time trying.
5. People tell you who they are. When they do, listen. If someone’s treating you poorly or not respecting you, they’re revealing who they are, which may not be a pleasant experience to feel or realize. They’re not worth your time because you’re amazing, so don’t waste time or other potential good opportunities.
6. Believe you are amazing. You have unlimited potential, and you’re incredible. Believe in yourself. You are an amazing, awesome person who deserves the best. Be willing to work for it and do what you need to face your demons. The sooner you face them, the sooner you’ll be happy and living your best life. I used to harbor anxiety and resentment because of my past, but once I had therapy and necessary conversations, I was able to forgive and have peace to move forward. You deserve to be happy. Go to BetterHelp for 10% off your first month of therapy and get matched with a therapist who listens and helps.
7. Nobody’s coming to save you. Only you can save yourself, as it’s nobody’s job to help you realize your potential, motivate you, or provide you with the means to survive. Make it happen yourself!
8. Stop the endless planning and preparing. Often, planning and preparing is the disguise and code for procrastination. Don’t put off doing what you’ve been wanting to do. Stop reading self-help books or constantly seeking feedback. Get off your ass and do it.
9. Perfection is a myth. No matter how much you plan or prepare, you’ll need to modify and adjust if you want to succeed. NOW is the time, and speed is better than perfection. Execute, act, and figure it out along the way. Failure is inevitable. You won’t be successful the first time, and if you are, it’s likely because you didn’t try hard enough or you’re not competing against viable competitors. Failure teaches you about yourself more than success.
10. Money does not buy happiness. Money helps solve problems more easily and reduces stress and worry. However, it will not bring you joy. You may have more brain power, and broke is no place to be. Debt is the devil and nothing but a burden. Paying somebody else money that you may not have makes them rich because of the high interest. The less you owe, the better. You are put in a position of power. Achieve financial freedom and invest your extra money wisely. Learn to speak the language of money.
11. Health is your number one asset. Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. It doesn’t matter how much money you have; money can’t buy health. Time is your most valuable asset. Use it accordingly and don’t invest these precious assets into people who don’t matter. Don’t waste time.
12. Stop abusing yourself. Don’t abuse your mind or your body. Don’t sleep with the wrong people or binge drink. Don’t try to numb the pain in an attempt to escape.

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